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From tamsun!cs.utexas.edu!qt.cs.utexas.edu!yale.edu!jvnc.net!netnews.upenn.edu!eniac.seas.upenn.edu!stella Fri Feb 7 13:15:42 CST 1992
Article: 15780 of rec.humor
Path: tamsun!cs.utexas.edu!qt.cs.utexas.edu!yale.edu!jvnc.net!netnews.upenn.edu!eniac.seas.upenn.edu!stella
From: stella@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (RICHH)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.sex.bondage,rec.humor,soc.bi,rec.music.misc
Subject: RICHH: TRUTH OR DARE--PART II
Message-ID: <63812@netnews.upenn.edu>
Date: 27 Jan 92 16:28:39 GMT
Sender: news@netnews.upenn.edu
Followup-To: rec.humor.d
Organization: University of Pennsylvania
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Xref: tamsun alt.sex:18638 alt.sex.bondage:10532 rec.humor:15780 soc.bi:2267 rec.music.misc:16667
Nntp-Posting-Host: eniac.seas.upenn.edu
RICHH disclaimer: The following story contains naughty
bits. If you are under 18, or if this has somehow wandered onto
the K12 net, STOP READING NOW. Do not, I repeat, do not email it
to all your friends. And for God's sake do not make a printout of
it and distribute copies all over your school. I mean sure, it'll
be cool and all, and you'll probably have lots of new friends, and
you'll probably even get lots of dates which will lead to numerous
nights of hot, sticky backseat passion, but like, you could get in
big trouble. Cause I know a kid who did it and sure, it was cool
for awhile, but all the new friends he made weren't like *real*
friends. Plus like, it's all fully and legally copyrighted and
if you think you're so tough now, let's see how you feel after a
few months in the joint sharing a cell with a disgruntled former
Kinko's employee with something to prove. Copyright prison--you
wouldn't last a day.
That being said, I give you:
TRUTH OR DARE--PART II
Karen looked goofy, wearing Esprit everything: maroon
terrycloth shorts and a pink sweatshirt. Howard was leafing
through a Physician's Desk Reference, his new favorite book. Maria
had plugged my brother's Les Paul into the stereo and was trying to
figure out the bass line to Stevie Wonder's "Sir Duke".
[...Satch-a-mo, and the king of all Sir Duke,
and with a voice like Ella's ringing out,
there's no way the band can lose.
You can feel it all o-a-o-ver...]
Her fingers were flying, but she pulled the cord out of the
stereo and ejected the tape.
"Too many damn sixteenth notes. My fingers are fast enough
but my hand's just not strong enough. Definitely not for a *real*
bass."
Howard said, "You should try 'I want a new drug' or 'I can see
for miles'. Major bass action."
There was a knock. Karen ran over and let in Josh and Erin.
Quickly, drinks were poured and a couple joints were moving around.
"You two," said Maria, walking into the living room, in bare
feet and a black cotton skirt, "Never thought you'd--"
"What?" said Erin, tossing her coat onto a chair. "Why not?"
"I don't know. It just seemed so random the way you started
going out, and now you're all lovey-dovey."
"Let's do best-worst," said Karen, pouring some orange juice
into a glass with some Absolut.
"I'll start," said Erin, "The worst is when you've only seen
one episode of 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' in your whole life,
the one with all the motorcycles--"
"Sidehackers," said Howard.
"Yeah, that one. And then, two years later, you happen to be
in a place that gets that comedy network, so you decide to watch
it, and it's that SAME GODDAMMED EPISODE!"
"Yup, that's the worst."
"Why does that happen?"
"My guess is there's really only one episode, and they just
keep showing it."
Josh took a drag off the joint, handed it to me and said, "The
best is when you're taking a pee, and you spit, and it splits right
in half because of the stream."
"Oh really?" said Karen. "I'll have to try that. *NOT*."
Maria took a healthy drag and said, "Bridges."
"Well," said Howard, the GW is okay but I like the Ben Franklin
right here in town."
"You know what I mean."
"How about that bridge to Taxi?" said Howard, who had recently
learned all the words.
"Well, hang on," said Maria, heading to Howard's room to get
his acoustic. Karen scowled, downed her screwdriver and poured
another. Erin whispered something to Josh and he nodded his head.
I measured out equal parts triple-sec, lime juice, and Absolut into
a big, ice-filled pitcher, put the lid on it, shook it all up, and
brought it over with some glasses.
Maria sat down cross-legged and played the beginning chords
to 'Taxi', then went straight to the bridge,
[ Whoa, I've got something inside me
To drive a princess blind
There's a wild man wizard, he's hiding in me
Illuminating my mind
Whoa, I've got something inside me,
Not what my life's about
'Cos I've been letting my outside tide me
Over 'till my time runs out.
Baby's so high that she's skyin'
Yes she's flying, afraid to fall.
I'll tell you why baby's crying
'Cos she's dying; aren't we all? ]
"That's a good one. What about 'Live and Let Die'?"
Guns n Roses were on MTV.
"Gosh MTV," said Karen. "You think maybe we could see aNOTHER
Guns n Roses video?"
Howard unmuted it just as Axl started in on the bridge:
[ What does it matter to you?
When you got a job to do, you got to do it well.
You got to give the other fella hell--]
Maria covered her ears with her hands. "Ouch. He *does*
sound likea coyote trapped in barbed wire fence."
"All right," said Karen. "Remember 'I'll stop the World and
Melt With You'? Kick-ass bridge there."
"Modern Youth?" said Erin.
"Reggae. Kids. They did 'Pass the Dutchie'"
"Cool song. Modern English did 'Stop the World'. Whole
bridge is built around these three notes." She played them. "The
future's...open wide."
"I remember it from 'Valley Girl'."
"The worst," said Howard, "has to be that Lionel Ritchie song
from 'White Knights', 'Say You, Say Me.'"
"Is that the video where he seduces a blind girl?"
"That was 'Hello'. Ugh."
"'Say you say me' is so bad because it starts out like a fast
song, then grinds to a halt with this preposterous 'you are a
shooting star' bit, then finishes as a slow song. It's the worst."
"The best," said Karen, "was when Bugs Bunny is crashing in
that airplane or spaceship or something and it stops just before it
hits the ground and he gets out, chews on a carrot and says, 'ran
outta gas'. That was the coolest."
"Hey," I said, "You remember Goofus and Gallant?"
Goofus and Gallant was Howard's idea, and he was the
undisputed master.
Josh shook his head. Erin nudged him and said, "Oh you do
too. It's a cartoon from 'Highlights for Children'. I read it in
the dentist's office. You know, it's got the same cover every
month and you open it up and go straight to the Goofus and Gallant
cartoon. Goofus is the big dumb bully and Gallant is the all-
American, clean-cut--"
"Okay, yeah," said Josh, "so how does this one work?"
"Like this," said Karen. "Goofus says, 'Let's fuck, BA-BEE'"
Howard said, "Gallant says, 'My place or yours?'"
Erin said, "I like this. What about...Goofus says, 'I got ten
big inches of throbbing manmeat for ya, babe!'."
"Gallant says, "My Maserati does 185"
"Goofus says, 'Dyke.'"
Howard said, "Gallant says, 'Maybe I'll see you at the
pro-choice march.'"
"Wow, you're good," said Erin.
"Goofus says, 'Who farted?'"
"Gallant says, 'It's a beautiful night for a walk. Shall
we?'"
"Goofus says, 'You've got some big-ass jugs'."
"Gallant says, 'I bet you'd make a wonderful mother'."
"Gimme a Goofus, any Goofus."
"Goofus says, "You are soo fat. What'd you eat--the universe??!!"
"Gallant says, "You are everything to me."
Maria said, "Goofus says, 'Buy your own damn rags. Who do I
look like--Alan Fucking Alda??!!'"
Howard didn't even have to think about it. "Gallant says,
'I'll pick up some herbal tea and Haagen-Dasz, too. Back in a
flash.'"
Erin said, "What else do you do?"
Karen refilled all our glasses from the kamikaze pitcher and
said, "Retrograde jokes."
"Retrograde?" said Erin.
"Punch lines first. You have to figure out the joke."
Karen said, "Stevie Wonder doing a Rubik's Cube."
Howard said, "What goes click, did I get it yet? Click, did
I get it yet? Click, did I get it yet?"
Erin spit out some Kamikaze. "Ouch."
Josh said, "The guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman."
Erin said, "Ooh, what goes like this?" and started rubbing the
back of her head.
"Nice. Real nice."
"Truth or Dare, then?" said Karen.
Howard said, "I'll put on some tunes." And then he was up,
fiddling through some cd's.
[ Farewell to this land's cheerless marches
hemmed in like a boar between arches ]
"Haven't heard from Morrissey in awhile," said Josh.
[ her very Lowness with her head in a sling
I'm truly sorry-but it sounds like a wonderful thing ]
Karen said, "Morrissey plus red meat equals..."
"Got me."
"Howard," said Karen. "Grab the cd of 'Bona Drag', will you?"
He did.
"Morrissey plus red meat equals..." She showed us the cover.
"Vanilla friggin' Ice. My God."
Pretty scary, eh? C'mon, truth or dare."
[ dear Charles, don't you ever crave
to appear on the front of the Daily mail
dressed in your Mother's bridal veil?
...
has the world changed, or have I changed?
has the world changed, or have I changed?
...
life is very long, when you're lonely
life is very long, when you're lonely ]
"All right," said Josh. "Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"Show us your--" Karen's sweatshirt was already halfway up
her ribcage. "--Birthmark."
Maria laughed. Karen smoothed out her sweatshirt and pulled
the left side of her shorts down a little, revealing a pale brown
heart on the inside of her hip.
"Cute," said Erin.
"Truth or dare, Erin?"
[ Panic on the streets of London
Panic on the streets of Birmingham
...
Burn down the Disco
Hang the blessed D.J.
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE ]
"Hang the DJ's," said Howard. "You gotta love Morrissey."
"At least he's real," said Maria.
[ Hang the blessed D.J.
Because the music they constantly play
...
Hang the D.J., Hang the D.J., Hang the D.J..
Hang the D.J., Hang the D.J., Hang the D.J..
HANG THE D.J., HANG THE D.J., HANG THE D.J.
HANG THE D.J., HANG THE D.J., HANG THE D.J. ]
"Quit stalling, Maria. "We know you're not shy."
[ Shyness is nice, but
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
That you'd like to
So, if there's something you'd
like to try
ASK ME-I WON'T SAY "NO"-HOW COULD I? ]
Erin finished off her kamikaze and poured another.
"Truth."
Karen said, "Do you make Josh wear a condom?" Josh was openly
bisexual.
She leaned her head against his shoulder. "He insists."
"Awww."
[ Spending warm, Summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg
ASK ME, ASK ME ,ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME ,ASK ME
...
Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb
That will bring us together ]
"Maria? Truth or Dare?"
"Shit. I wanted to ask Karen something. But she never does
truths."
"Go ahead, sweetness, ask me I won't say no how could I?"
Maria poured herself some from the pitcher.
"How come you hate me?"
Erin nudged Josh and he nodded slightly.
"Look, sweet--"
"And stop calling me sweetness. I hate that."
"What do you want from me? I don't much like girls anyway and
before you showed up I was the queen. How could I not resent you?
With your guitars and your voice, what the hell do you expect--"
"Karen,--"
"No. She asked. And I don't hate you. It's just hard for me
to not be in the spotlight, all right? I have a big problem with
that."
"Wow," said Erin. "Total buzzkill."
"Fuck off."
"Hey." Howard lit up another joint and was passing it around.
"All right," said Karen. "I answered a truth. You owe me a
dare."
Maria drank some more and said, "All right. Lemme pee first."
Soon she was back.
"All right. Dare."
Karen said, "Two words. Eat me."
"Karen--"
"I see how you look at me. Come on, I want you to. And I
don't even like girls. Make me like it." Karen got up and sat
down on the couch.
"Rich--" Maria looked at me.
"Go ahead. Just don't fall in love."
"Ha. Not fucking likely." She lifted her skirt to her thighs
and walked over on her knees to the couch. She reached up and
Karen lifted her hips and she slid down Karen's shorts and dropped
them beside her.
"Oooh, nice," said Maria, running her hand along the inside of
Karen's thighs, pushing them apart slightly. Then she seemed to
have an idea and sat up on the couch next to Karen. She reached
one arm behind the half-naked girl and lifted off her sweatshirt
when Karen raised her arms.
"You've got the best tits," said Maria, squeezing them
together and moving from one nipple to the other with her mouth,
finally teething across both of them. Karen arched her back and
groaned. Maria took a nipple between her teeth and stretched it
away from Karen as her hand rubbed circles on her belly,
occasionally sliding over her shaven mons. Maria kissed Karen
behind her ear, down her neck, and over her scapula. Karen
shivered. Maria ran a hand over Karen's upper arm.
"Look at all these goosebumps!"
"I haven't felt like this since the first time I heard the
Faith album."
Without taking my eyes off the scene, I quickly slipped in the
cd and came back.
[ Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body.
I know not everybody's
Got a body like you. ]
Karen pulled Maria's head back to her breast. Maria licked
and sucked at the swollen ridges, the nipple knobby as a walnut
shell.
[ But I gotta think twice
Before I give my heart away.
I know all the games you play
Because I play them too ]
Maria's hand travelled over Karen's belly, hip, and thigh
before it finally stopped, cupping the soft fullness between her
legs. Karen's thighs parted still more as Maria moved the whole
area around over Karen's pubic bone. She slid a forefinger between
Karen's folds and Karen gasped.
"Have you been doing your exercises?" asked Maria. "Tighten."
A look of concentration came over Karen's face and Erin gasped as
Karen's cunt appeared to suck in the brunette's finger.
"Good girl," said Maria. "You've been a very good girl. That
deserves a kiss." And she leaned down and planted a kiss right on
Karen's clit.
[ Well I need some time off
From that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor ]
Karen took a breath and said, "You're gonna have to work. I've
been drinking."
"Sweetness," said Maria. "Put a sock in it, okay?" Then she
reached under Karen's knees and pulled her legs up onto the couch
spinning her ninety degrees. Karen let her left leg dangle over the
side of the couch and her right leg stretch out straight to the
floor. Her legs were spread very wide.
"My God. You are so pink." Maria lay on her stomach, her
knees bent and bare feet pointing in the air, toes curling and
uncurling as she worked. She started by sliding her thumb into
Karen's hole and the tip of her forefinger into her ass. Karen
arched her hips up to bring in more. Maria's fingertip made little
circles in Karen's ass tunnel as her thumb worked against her
pelvic floor. All the while her other hand was strumming across
her clit as her tongue disappeared between the younger girl's
folds, occasionally grazing against her clit. Karen arched up and
said, "Oh shit. Eat me. Suck me. Oh God. Fuck. Suck me. Lick
it. Mmmm. Mmmm. Fuck. Oh shit."
Then, Maria began to really eat her in earnest, sliding her
tongue deep into the bottom, drawing it up hard over Karen's pubic
bone and finishing by grazing it over her clit. She kept repeating
this while her hands ran over Karen's waist and hips and buttocks.
We thought that Karen would pass out for certain. Then, Maria just
went completely nuts, using her cheeks, chin, her nose--
transferring the moisture until her entire face, and Karen's
thighs, were very shiny and slick. Karen's face went through a
series of contortions and she dug her toes into the carpet. Soon,
the younger girl's whole body tensed, her fingers tight in Maria's
hair, and she made noises she had no choice about.
When Karen's body went slack, Maria wiped her face on the
girl's thigh, looked up and said, "Still hate me?"
"Bitch," said Karen, and theatrically sat up and slid down
the couch and landed in a heap on the floor. "That was sooo
fucking intense."
Maria slid up a little on the couch then leaned over, took
Karen's head in her hands and kissed her, full on the lips--a long,
juicy, thrilling kiss that seemed to go on and on.
"Um," said Josh, "think maybe we oughta leave?"
"Nah. Howard," said Erin. "You got any incense?"
Everyone laughed and Maria helped Karen back into her clothes
and hurried into the bathroom. Howard dug up a stick of incense,
lit it, and put it into a holder on a table.
"While you're up, Howard," said Maria, over the running water.
"Why don't you deep-six the George Michael?"
Soon Howard and Maria returned. Howard whispered something to
Karen and she smiled and then nodded.
Erin said, "My God, Karen. Your face--"
Karen said, "What."
Erin shook her head. "You've just got that look. I've never
seen you quite this, this--"
"Soft," said Josh.
"Yeah, this soft. You're all languid. And your face is
pinker than your shirt."
"Stah-ahp," said Karen, and leaned back into Howard. He
kissed her on top of her spiky hair and folded his arms around her.
"So fucking intense," said Karen and she shivered in an
afterimage of the orgasm.
"Who's up?"
"How."
"Truth or Dare?"
"Dare."
[ "Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you" ]
"The Cure," I said. "All right, How. We need a break. Do
a trick. Any trick."
"All right. Anyone have a fresh pack of cigarettes?"
Erin produced an unopened pack of Marlboro Lights and handed
it to Howard. Karen sat up, and Howard carefully undid the
wrapper, crumpled up and tossed the foil, and pulled out a
cigarette. He lit it, took a puff, then with the cigarette burned
a hole carefully into the larger half of the plastic wrapper, right
near the bottom.
"All right, I'll do two tricks. First, my duck call." Karen
and I groaned and he raised the wrapper carefully to his lips and
said, "Here, Ducky, Ducky. Here, Ducky, Ducky."
"Boo."
"Hsssss."
"All right. Hold on. I told you I had another.
[ Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her had
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you" ]
"And because you booed me, Erin, you get to be my lovely
assistant."
"Fine."
"Hold out your arm and make a fist."
"Is this going to hurt?"
"Just do it. Don't be such a--"
She did as he asked.
[ You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream ]
He carefully balanced the wrapper on her arm. Then he held
the lighter up to the small hole he had burned near the top. Next
he pulled back the little plastic piece and we could hear a hiss as
the gas came out. After a few seconds he brought his thumb down on
the roller part of the lighter, a spark flew, and the plastic
wrapper exploded over Erin's arm in a burst of flame.
"Yeeow," yelled Erin, jerking back her arm and rubbing it
against her thigh. Josh inspected the forearm.
"Didn't even leave a mark."
"Well, it still hurt."
Josh kissed her forearm and dragged the tip of his tongue
along it into the crook of her elbow.
"Hey, save it, tiger."
Karen leaned back into Howard and said, more to herself than
anyone, "So fucking intense."
[ Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me
You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven ]
"Truth or dare, Josh?"
"Truth."
Karen said, "What does Erin not do for you, in bed, that you
wish she would?"
"Wow."
"Well?"
"Well, Erin's pretty uninhibited, but for some reason all the
straight girls I've been with have this weird phobia about using
their fists."
"Jah-ahsh--"
"So she doesn't pummel you? Is that what you're saying?"
"Very funny, Karen."
Maria said, "Shame to waste such a cute butt."
"Waste?"
"Hey," said Erin. "Did you hear? There was this big shakeup
in the airline industry?"
"Nope, what?"
"Aer Lingus merged with Cunningham Airlines."
Numerous groans and Karen said, "Aeringham? I don't get it."
"Rich," said Maria. "Truth or dare?"
Still gunshy from the last time I took a dare I said, "Truth."
"Tell me something," said Maria. "Something real. Something
real and beautiful and true. Tell me something I'll never forget."
I'd had an idea kicking around in my head for awhile, so I
said, "Come here."
She sat down next to me.
I took a breath and said, "I love neither the princess nor the
whore, but rather the princess inside the whore; the whore in the
princess. None of us is ever just one thing. We fall in love with
the incongruities. For example, you love me because to the world
I talk so tough, but inside, behind that door to which only you
have the key, lurks the warmest, sweetest, most affectionate child
on this planet. I will never ever stop touching you."
"Maria?"
"And I love you because everyone can see that you are
beautiful and smart and talented. But I know that later tonight,
when we're alone, you will be a ravenous, passionate tigress, with
hungry eyes, and you will part for me and hold me tight and you
will scream my name."
"Ree?"
"Ree?"
RICHH
thanks to Adam Justin Thornton for the words to the bridge in
'Taxi'